upset!

Yesterday evening, knowing that my in-laws' driver would not be reporting to work already sent moody messages to my brain...that meant that they would be home the whole day, and a meal together with the rest of the family is inevitable!!! sigh, what better way to send a dark cloud over my weekend, where I look forward to spend quality time with my husband and girls?

sigh, anyway, what was supposed to be a happy weekend, chatting with my husband through the night, turned into another tiring day...I was tired just thinking about having to attend something like that..I know it seemed a little exagerated, but well, that was me yesterday evening...glum, moody and lifeless....the fact that they can force unto me something that they want (me to attend such needless events) but something that I dread so much....I was lifeless knowing that I do not have authority to my own agenda, I only had 2 days free in a week, but they can just take it away like that....it made me feel less of a person with free will...sigh

thank goodness I still have my daughter, sho said, "just bring me mummy, i will accompany you" even though perhaps she would forget her patch with me once she is there, it was just the sweetness i needed.....anyway what happens today, I shall leave it to God....

I know they are selfish, but God help me not be selfish like them, my modds affect my husband and my kids, so please help me be selfless.....I give this day to You Lord....

yea though I walk....

I haven't been blogging as much as I would want to, not that my life has turned out the way I want to...but here I am, feeling as if I am still in the valleys...Well, maybe topographically the ground has heightened slightly, maybe it isn't that dark anymore, but I know I am not out of it yet.

A few nights ago, I thought to myself as things got worse between me and my adversaries...they were not on the offensive, maybe that is what gave me more foot on the ground, just that communication is down to almost zero. Its as if the valley does not hurt anymore, just that the weather has changed, it was getting colder and uncomfortable.
Why is it that 'change' is taking so long, why is it that God merely gave us a little eye-opener (the little light at the end of the tunnel) why is it that God still haven't showed us the job that my husband would be given or as a bonus, the house that we yearn for?

But God opened up a verse for me:

Psalm 4:3-8

"see how the Lord has made great his mercy for me, the Lord will give ear to my cry.
Let there be fear in your hearts, and do not sin;have bitter feelings on your bed, but make no sound
Give the offerings of righteousness, and put your faith in the Lord
There are numbers who say, 'who will do us any good? the light of His face has gone from us'
Lord, you have put joy in my heart than when they have when their grain and their wine increased.
I will take my rest on my bed in peace, because you only, Lord, keep me safe."


God, numb me from pettiness and give me a thankful heart to trust You. Help me keep my peace and spread it, heal me from the pain of bitterness and disappointment, renew me with your joy....amen