Touched

Last night my husband told me that he was going to use a new approach in treating our adversaries (those name-calling back stabbers). The current cold war does not reflect our motives sufficiently, this time he wanted to play an active role in showing love to our 'enemies'.
He asked me whether I was on his side, and he wanted to know what I thought. I did not know whether to laugh out loud or start calling my husband names too (just like what Job's wife did). However, I merely said that I will speak to him tomorrow...before turning in with a confused mind. Upon falling asleep I said a little prayer though, perhaps the littlest prayer I ever said. I said, "God make my heart right"
I have gone for numerous bible studies, read the texts, biographies of Christians who gave up much for The Cause and listened to umpteen sermons on "loving thy neighbour". Well I have gotten along with almost everybody and I don't think I have been offensive to anyone, so obviously it is no elephant task to love them cordially. But this is a funny one, you know it reminded me of what Mother Theresa said....'God carefully weigh and measure each cross before He let us carry it. He would never let us carry a burden that exceeds our abilities. But sometimes, I wish that He would not have so much confidence in me' It is probably flattering to think that God put these people around us, knowing that we CAN love them. Despite their inconsideration, malicious ways, scheming thoughts and that dagger they keep at convenience so that all those times when you are not looking....POKE! another bulls eye in your back.
Sometimes I feel so exhausted just ducking all the arrows shot at us that I tell God, "I know I have to love them, but then please empty my heart so much so that I am hollow, then let me just hang on to the tail of Your robe, then You can drag me. Cause following you seem like an impossible assignment in my condition."
Anyway, I was listening to Hillsong's 'Just let me say' when the start of the song goes, "Just let me say how much I love YOU, let me speak of your mercy and grace..." Then God spoke," you may not love them just yet, but you love ME, so show grace" Its like God saying, please do it for me. Then I wept. I wept cause I did not deserve His confidence in my love for Him. My love for Him is incomparable to what love He has given to me...but yet He seemed to be thankful for that. That little space my selfish heart has prepared for Him. I think I understand that, cause when my daughters show the least of affection to me, I am ecstatic. Maybe thats how the adversaries' parents feel, they are satisfied even with the little bit of 'right' they do. Whatever it is, God touched me alright.
So I pray, that God would enlarge the space of my heart, that I may love my adversaries. Then during the later part of the day, my thoughts wandered around the idea of organising a dinner party. Me cooking (edible food of course, no poison in their portion, Promise.) then maybe my daughter and I can make dessert. I will leave that to God, cause I still need Him to bless my plans. Please Lord, prepare my heart to serve.
Meanwhile, thank you for my husband and thank you for taking a chance on me.

p/s: men may see what you have (not how you get the things you have; either way those two are not important), but God sees the heart.