Its the holidays, and its supposed to be relaxing and merry, though its not Christmas, and lack all the festive spirit....but its an adequate number of days away from the usual hectic schedule.
It was ok when she was not around but then her presence seem like a purposeful effort to shun me. My cooking, my presence and any conversations that circulate around me as a subject is utterly rejected and sprinkled with magic powder that is supposed to either magnify my failures, or make my achievements to either diminish or preferably disappear. I must say although I should have known better than to take these to heart, it still hurts me.
My drive in life is to do my best in all that I put my hands on, and then God would do the rest. However, this time I must say that I did not expect such a 'payback' for paying my dues. And yes, I am disappointed and angry, but my anger is downplayed, maybe its because I am tired, tired emotionally of having to go through a whirlwind of emotions everyday. Tired of all the pretense and the hypocricy that I am faced to witness on a daily basis. Tired of unfair treatment and tired of living with a complete control freak who thinks that she is mrs know-all when actually knowledge she acquired is confined to a small scope and bias judgement.
I should not be too concerned, yes I tell that to myself everyday, God help me to expand my horizons, to look beyond the negativity and just fix my eyes on you. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and I do not want to be robbed like that God. Have mercy on me and help me get back what the devil has taken away from me, my peace and joy.
I cannot go through these alone, I need YOU Lord, cause only you can help David beat Goliath. Help me to overcome this Father. I dunno, if you think I should look upon this as a'Goliath' or someone insecure whom u want me to embrace. Either way, it seems really impossible for me to do Your will unless I have Your strength, so God please equip me with the needed tools to get through this. God, only You can be my shield, shield me from negativity and shield me from the weapons formed against me.
In Jesus' name, I pray and lay my life before You.
Amen.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
They say that writing maps out your thoughts, prepares you for actions, lets you think things through. Lets just hope it would put together the fallen pieces of my heart and stature.
1 comment:
Hey,I was reading your blog trying to find something happy that uve shared, but I couldn't. If this was ur letter to God, he would be sad that you're going through such a life when he intended u to have more- to be happy!
Post something positive!
Things aren't perfect for me too, but looking at how God has blessed my family (as in me,my hubbie and babies in my tummy), it overwhelmes me till everything else becomes insignificant.
As long as u still have a husband who willingly lends his ears and shields ur inadequaties, that makes life a better place isn't it, I meant life with -ils-.
Love,
Loving u!
Post a Comment