To Go

What had been in my head the past 3 weeks or so had been, "to go or no to go". Then I consulted family members closest to me, I spoke to my brother. The first thing he said was that if you really have to go, give thanks first for where you are now. In the bible, it says that married men ought to leave the house and start a new cell. This theory is beyond the acceptance of traditional chinese (non Christian) beliefs, they say that if you move out you are unfilial and perhaps even fit to be chased out of the house. However, living with the extended had me agreeing with what had been written. Maybe what had made it worse is the difference in our beliefs, in religion.
I fully agree that absence make the heart grow fonder...starting a family, building on a relationship, raising children and juggling all these with a full time job is challenging enough, and perhaps distance would preserve the relationship to some extent. At least they would not get to see the tired and emotionally challenged you all the time. In a positive light, they deserve to see your better side. So, in conclusion, my bro said that moving out is an option, it should not be viewed as taboo, if you look at it this way, you would realise that you are not in a pit, but the there is light at the end of the tunnel. However, must give thanks cos God is allowing us to stay here, despite the reccommended plan, so that we would be processed.

Mother in laws would always be different from our own mothers, I am glad I have girls. With real mothers, you can afford to be yourself without being judged, but not likewise with the former. Sometimes a display of what you feel can ruin everything. Why did our relationship become like this? When before, I treated her like my own mother, in fact sometimes the concern I show for her outweighs the attention I give to my own mum. The only thing I can think about, the turning point, is when I spoke back, telling her some of my thoughts. If I knew this would happen I should just shut up. Yes it hurts me that the relationship had turned this way. However, I learnt a lesson...do not be naive, not everyone value honesty. In addition, no matter what happens, your own mother would always be there. They would not say, "see, where in the world did you think anyone can replace your own mother" (maybe I would say that if this happened to my daughters) but she merely cried with me when I am sad. Telling me that I have to be strong for my girls and giving thanks for my husband. Now I thank God for my mum.
I am one who values honesty in every relationship, and I pray I would also have an open and honest relationship with my daughters.

Then I spoke to my mum abt my plans of moving, she said, it would be good for the girls and let me decide the rest. She said, abt leaving my husband, I should know better abt the relationship to be able to decide this. So I think, I would go, at least for now. It would be good for everybody, my girls, u know who, my husband (he can then heave sighs of relief rather than see the upset me, the changed me and concentrate on his job) and of course it would be better for me. To rediscover myself.

Men can plan, but if the Lord does not bless, it is all useless, so God, I pray that You would open the way, help us enter a new chapter, help us rebuild ourselves.