Holy Ground

Just as I was stashing the word 'rude' back in the closet, telling myself not to use it so often on my adversaries, it came jumping right out of its hiding place!...Today they came over to visit my in laws, and well the usual took place, the snubbing, my mil trying to be 'fair' and 'diplomatic' (but of course failing at all attempts, only to display her lack of maturity and wisdom in dealing with problem people; then again a huge part of the problem is her...) and all the blah blah blahs.
Anyway I was bringing out a plate of hot food from the kitchen, when my 'sis' in law, not watching where she was going, bumped into me. Of course before she could knock me entirely I cried out "Aduh! Aduh! Aduh!" (The indonesian slang of "Oh no!") Then she was shocked herself, so she braked, and the only thing that happened was my leg being hit. Of course, being raised in a normal way, I expected her to apologise for being the cause of the 'traffic accident' but then all I heard was some clicking noises made by her tongue before she walked away....what do you call that, a 'hit-and-run' or a road bully? I was completely taken aback, and so very simply I label her actions as RUDE...(it might be an understatement but God knows better...)

Not long after, maybe like 10 minutes after my mishap, she was carrying a bowl of soup from the kitchen, and 'CLANK' she dropped it together with all its contents, and so the poor two maids got to clean up again, and the guests were startled, and I have to re-cook the soup. However, I could see the humiliation on her face when I was the one who volunteered to re-cook the soup from my mil.. For your information, the place where she dropped the soup, was the same place she knocked me without saying 'sorry'....that's why I think God might have intervened, HE always defend His children, He would not let them be bullied. If so, then that same spot would be 'HOLY GROUND' right?....Whatever it is, just like any child who rejoices when the witch is defeated, when good prevails over evil....I felt like that. Thank You God:)

Just for the BIG GUY

I was so appalled today, annoyed and angry but then again slightly ecstatic cause I exposed someone's lie! Anyway, my mil is supposed to be recouperating (more like nursing her outrageous mood swings) and on a very strict diet. She chooses to still eat only porridge, (despite passing her one month anniversary ever since she was announced unfit), abstaining from tofu and all bean products, fried foods and such. Only 2 days ago, I cooked tofu for the family and then I asked her if she is able to eat tofu already, she said coldly, "no" nothing more. Ok I thought, I didn't want to ask in the first place but it seemed so critical that I did then, like the little voice in me saying, "ask her" So I did and I got my answer. It didn't bother me, I am quite used to her inconsistent behaviour by now.

Today, her other daughter in law, who strikes such similar resemblance as her, in terms of character and attitude sent some fried tofu over for her...guess what? Yup, she ate it, she ate one whole big piece. Of course I had to ask, "so you can eat tofu now?" she nodded, I could see her humiliation just answering my question. (Thank God, that means that she still has got potential for being convicted of her wrong actions, in this case lying! she was just snubbing me thats why she refused to eat what I cook for her.)

I was rather angry, but then now after thinking it through, I don't feel the anger anymore, just the sweet feel of victory...I can sleep at night, cause I tried my best cooking for her, and ensuring that she gets the best from me, but I don't think she can have her forty winks tonight....cause God gives rest to those He loves....(she just don't understand that He loves her too that's why)

I was just telling my husband about this and I told Him, that the only thing keeping my spit away from her food is my God....I do this for Him and Him only....and I can reap peace from it even though appreciation is not at the other end of the rod. Thank you Lord for the peace You have given me. I love You and need You so much in my life.

I love you Lord

Today, on my way back from work....we drove past the highway, it was around 6pm just when the sun was setting. I found myself face to face with an impeccable view of the skyline....the orange and red blends, together with the greyish background....and all the city lights just being lit up....it was beautiful...Such beauty reminded me of the Creator....how amazing the works of His hands are. Thank you Jesus.

I began to think about how the Lord has changed me as a person, I am far from perfect, I may not have come a long way, but I have covered some distance, I may still be weak, but I have found strength to pick myself up each time, I may still be afraid on so many occassions, but the confidence comes along whenever I reach a turning point. I can see now, though not that far away, of how I want to raise my girls, and how I want to live my life. It will be done with Jesus.
I have continually been amused and impressed with what my God can do, I am proud of my Jesus.

I am continually surrounded by negatives, by people trying to pinpoint my faults, by people who try to make little problems big, by people who boast at their ant sized achievements and yet hide your merits or take credit for something they did not do...all the politics, all the pretense, and all the hypocricy....if its not for my God, I would have broken down. However, today I thank Him for the peace that I have, for the love that I found, and for the friendship that I have kept along the way, despite my current situation.

After I pen down this, after I leave this family shelter (which is our bedroom) I would be faced with the undesirable again, the discomforts of a non-home, the stiff and reluctant conversations and the fake cordiality...but for now, I am thankful for my Lord Jesus Christ.

Proud of my God

The Lord has often said that the tongue is a small but dangerous tool that can be used to build or to destroy. I am saddened that this little tool is almost always overlooked by so many other religion. My mil is a religious person, perhaps the 'Martha' of her belief, but then again I do not think a 'Mary' exist in her religion....anyway she prays at the altar two times a day, but of course there is no two-way communication, it is all of her talking and asking for remedies and way-outs no other way but only HER way...don't you see it, how can we try and be God in the first place? That caused the fall of Lucifer....so you see, when religion do not encourage two-way worship....we should sound the alarm!

Coming back to her little tool...she uses it so conveniently, spreading gossip, telling lies, hurting people with really really harsh and crude stuff....and it has caused her own mess in the heart...I mean I really don't think by the look at it, she is enjoying beauty sleep. Shouldn't her god blow the whistle and tell her to watch that little tool, its definitely not building peace or spreading kindness!....

Anyway, I am thankful my God is the beginning, and yet so forward-looking. How on several occassions in the bible, He has spoken about watching our tongues, and all the negative things that come with it if you don't. I am thankful that God always tells me to 'cast my burdens' unto Him, cause only He would know what ought to be done, I am thankful that He places so much emphasis on learning His word and just communicating with Him, cause He knows that we need that direction from Him...I am thankful that He continually speak about keeping the condition of our hearts clean and healthy so that I may have peace and sleep (though not much), that things like regret, hurt, disappointment should not be a fixture but should be cast upon Him, all in all, I am thankful for MY LORD JESUS.

Let more know Him, then probably there would be no more wars, and there would be worldpeace!

No time for blogging

I think that very much says it all, sigh, I have to go down to cook now....I hope chores would not block out my blog.....hope to see you again my writing pad...

Snubbed, so what!

It has been a week or so now, since my husband announced that we as a family would be going to Singapore to start life there...oh yes, I didn't tell you why the sudden change of mind on his part? I do not know exactly when he set his mind to it, but it is final, he is coming with us...Yipeee!!!! However, it is not an easy task, the family would be bound for uncharted waters, have to rely on our gotten gains and skills to build a similar comfort we are leaving behind. The good and sure thing is, Jesus is in the boat with us:)

Anyway, things haven't been looking that good for people accepting the news, but not for my part of the family...they all think that an education for the girls in Singapore is far more beneficial than whatever you can find here...the person who seem to be affected most is Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde....you know who....MIL.

Some of the earlier reactions...(coming in this order) skeptical: "are you sure you can find a job there", self-pity "the kids are still so young.."sob sob, followed by completely snubbing me of course (cause she thinks I am the one who is behind this), not eating what I cook and not giving me more than one look....but SO WHAT! I can sleep soundly at night knowing that I am doing my part, the more she don't want to eat my cooking, the more I try to put effort in my cooking for her....the more she is in self-pity, the more I try to make our last days joyful....I am not going to take offense about her childish actions..let her be what she is, maybe that is why they say you can never make ducks into swans unless they are swans in the first place. I will not try to change her but I pray that God would help me handle her....perhaps I have this point of view cause I now see the light at the end of the tunnel...

But yes, God has a time for everything, and I am thankful that my husband is coming with us this 'time'.....Thank you Lord, for the lighter view of life....let me learn to continually cast my burdens unto You....